Below is a satirical flow chart accompanied by an article.
Hold up, wait a minute…
That doesn’t seem quite right. Those are all just ridiculous stereotypes. Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you hate men. Bisexuals don’t constantly try to sleep with everyone. If you’re gay you don’t automatically have impeccable fashion sense. Not all straight guys hate the theatre and not all straight girls like dressing femininely. Sexual orientation is who you’re attracted to, not how you act, right?
And yet how many times do we assume we can tell someone’s sexual orientation from the way they act? How often do we assume a guy is gay because he acts effeminately, or think a girl is probably a lesbian because she looks butch and is a feminist? Or maybe we just assume that everyone who looks like the status quo is straight because straight is normal.
As humans, we’re imperfect. We try to develop cognitive shortcuts so that we don’t have to process every little piece of information like it’s brand new. It would be exhausting to treat every new person we meet like a blank slate; stereotypes tell us what we can assume about people and how to interact with them. By placing people into categories, we can use less cognitive energy to figure them out and save it for other important tasks. Stereotypes help us save cognitive resources; if you assume everyone’s straight, you’re probably right most of the time. And if you make a wrong assumption 5% of time, hey, you’re still right 95% of the time and that’s pretty darn efficient.
But what are the costs of these assumptions? What does it feel like to be in that 5%* who don’t fit their stereotypes? Whose behavior isn’t the norm? What does it feel like to be that “effeminate guy” who is attracted to women, but who everyone assumes is gay? What does it feel like to be invisible because movies and TV shows never reflect your reality or because everyone is assumed to be straight unless proven otherwise? What does it feel like to have to constantly correct people, or know that behind your back everyone assumes that you’re something you’re not.
I know it’s hard to resist; stereotyping is a natural cognitive process, and I do it too. However, that doesn’t mean it comes without cost. So I think it’s worth it to fight that. Fight the urge to put people into boxes, and be open when they don’t meet your expectations. Maybe you could be more inclusive with the way you live and interact. Ask someone, “is there someone special in your life” instead of “do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” Don’t use a label unless someone has told you that, yes, they are straight/bi/gay/lesbian/pansexual/what have you. Try to actually get to know people.
Because stereotypes hurt everyone. No one fits a stereotype perfectly and when we endorse stereotypes, we limit our own ability to be unique, individual people who blur boundaries and don’t fit nicely into little square boxes. If we don’t challenge stereotypes, we don’t get to truly appreciate how everyone is different and diverse, and how that diversity makes them beautiful. Because we are. We are all beautiful and awesome and fascinating human beings. And we don’t fit in boxes.
*disclaimer: I don’t know statistics. I made this figure up to illustrate a point.
Emily Mininger, a member of QuaQ
That doesn’t seem quite right. Those are all just ridiculous stereotypes. Just because you’re a lesbian doesn’t mean you hate men. Bisexuals don’t constantly try to sleep with everyone. If you’re gay you don’t automatically have impeccable fashion sense. Not all straight guys hate the theatre and not all straight girls like dressing femininely. Sexual orientation is who you’re attracted to, not how you act, right?
And yet how many times do we assume we can tell someone’s sexual orientation from the way they act? How often do we assume a guy is gay because he acts effeminately, or think a girl is probably a lesbian because she looks butch and is a feminist? Or maybe we just assume that everyone who looks like the status quo is straight because straight is normal.
As humans, we’re imperfect. We try to develop cognitive shortcuts so that we don’t have to process every little piece of information like it’s brand new. It would be exhausting to treat every new person we meet like a blank slate; stereotypes tell us what we can assume about people and how to interact with them. By placing people into categories, we can use less cognitive energy to figure them out and save it for other important tasks. Stereotypes help us save cognitive resources; if you assume everyone’s straight, you’re probably right most of the time. And if you make a wrong assumption 5% of time, hey, you’re still right 95% of the time and that’s pretty darn efficient.
But what are the costs of these assumptions? What does it feel like to be in that 5%* who don’t fit their stereotypes? Whose behavior isn’t the norm? What does it feel like to be that “effeminate guy” who is attracted to women, but who everyone assumes is gay? What does it feel like to be invisible because movies and TV shows never reflect your reality or because everyone is assumed to be straight unless proven otherwise? What does it feel like to have to constantly correct people, or know that behind your back everyone assumes that you’re something you’re not.
I know it’s hard to resist; stereotyping is a natural cognitive process, and I do it too. However, that doesn’t mean it comes without cost. So I think it’s worth it to fight that. Fight the urge to put people into boxes, and be open when they don’t meet your expectations. Maybe you could be more inclusive with the way you live and interact. Ask someone, “is there someone special in your life” instead of “do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” Don’t use a label unless someone has told you that, yes, they are straight/bi/gay/lesbian/pansexual/what have you. Try to actually get to know people.
Because stereotypes hurt everyone. No one fits a stereotype perfectly and when we endorse stereotypes, we limit our own ability to be unique, individual people who blur boundaries and don’t fit nicely into little square boxes. If we don’t challenge stereotypes, we don’t get to truly appreciate how everyone is different and diverse, and how that diversity makes them beautiful. Because we are. We are all beautiful and awesome and fascinating human beings. And we don’t fit in boxes.
*disclaimer: I don’t know statistics. I made this figure up to illustrate a point.
Emily Mininger, a member of QuaQ