There. I said it. I’m sorry… sort of. I know it is one of those evil buzzwords around Grebel, but there we have it. It’s out there.
Exclusivity seems to be the villainous counterpart to the heroic, virtuous inclusivity. And, for many reasons, it makes sense to me. Over these past two years, I’ve witnessed this community strive to live out all the positive benefits of inclusivity: don’t let people feel left out, sit with people you don’t know at meals and get to know them, keep your doors open, hall wander into peoples’ rooms to get to know them, and generally just step out of your social comfort zone and meet someone new.
These are just a few of many reasons why I love that Grebel promotes inclusivity the way that it does. Coming to Grebel, I wasn’t sure how I would fit into this community. Maybe it is because we’re all our own worst critics, but regardless of the reason I was nervous that I wouldn’t fit in.
Inclusivity pushes us to accept those who are different, but it goes beyond that. It allows us to engage with them. I’ve met some incredible individuals in this community that have reshaped not only how I view those around me but also myself. The spirit of inclusivity is what has defined my experience at Grebel over the past two years. I’ve hall wandered as often as I could, enjoyed many late night conversations and excursions, and have been able to appreciate the unique contribution each Grebelite brings to this community.
Yet here’s something that I didn’t anticipate about this experience, and it might come as a bit of a surprise to some people: I felt incredibly lonely. The best way to articulate this is that I felt alone in a crowd. Despite my attempts at getting to know a wide array of people, a lot of my interactions in this community left me feeling like I was only scratching the surface with people. I don’t mean to discount these relationships: they are all very important to me. But it made me question why, if inclusivity was such an amazing quality to this College, it left me feeling alone.
This is why I don’t think exclusivity should be used as a “swear word” anymore. There are some incredible benefits that accompanies being exclusive in your relationships.
I once read an article in Relevant Magazine that really captured my attention. It asked the question, “Is this a sacred moment to protect?” The article was referring to uploading on social media, but I think it is true of relationships in general. Sometimes moments don’t need to, and perhaps even shouldn't, be shared with anyone else other than those present. Not everything should be posted to social media, nor should every moment be shared with those outside of the moment. Sometimes, it actually diminishes the “sacredness” or special-ness of that/those relationship.
Some relationships fundamentally need some level of exclusivity: my parents’ marriage, for instance, is quite exclusive. There are very few people that would argue that this is a bad thing. I would say that it is a great thing if you have a friend group at Grebel that you spend most of your time with. These are the relationships that you can “go deep” with people, getting to know them at a level that you simply can’t with everyone else.
Exclusivity seems to be the villainous counterpart to the heroic, virtuous inclusivity. And, for many reasons, it makes sense to me. Over these past two years, I’ve witnessed this community strive to live out all the positive benefits of inclusivity: don’t let people feel left out, sit with people you don’t know at meals and get to know them, keep your doors open, hall wander into peoples’ rooms to get to know them, and generally just step out of your social comfort zone and meet someone new.
These are just a few of many reasons why I love that Grebel promotes inclusivity the way that it does. Coming to Grebel, I wasn’t sure how I would fit into this community. Maybe it is because we’re all our own worst critics, but regardless of the reason I was nervous that I wouldn’t fit in.
Inclusivity pushes us to accept those who are different, but it goes beyond that. It allows us to engage with them. I’ve met some incredible individuals in this community that have reshaped not only how I view those around me but also myself. The spirit of inclusivity is what has defined my experience at Grebel over the past two years. I’ve hall wandered as often as I could, enjoyed many late night conversations and excursions, and have been able to appreciate the unique contribution each Grebelite brings to this community.
Yet here’s something that I didn’t anticipate about this experience, and it might come as a bit of a surprise to some people: I felt incredibly lonely. The best way to articulate this is that I felt alone in a crowd. Despite my attempts at getting to know a wide array of people, a lot of my interactions in this community left me feeling like I was only scratching the surface with people. I don’t mean to discount these relationships: they are all very important to me. But it made me question why, if inclusivity was such an amazing quality to this College, it left me feeling alone.
This is why I don’t think exclusivity should be used as a “swear word” anymore. There are some incredible benefits that accompanies being exclusive in your relationships.
I once read an article in Relevant Magazine that really captured my attention. It asked the question, “Is this a sacred moment to protect?” The article was referring to uploading on social media, but I think it is true of relationships in general. Sometimes moments don’t need to, and perhaps even shouldn't, be shared with anyone else other than those present. Not everything should be posted to social media, nor should every moment be shared with those outside of the moment. Sometimes, it actually diminishes the “sacredness” or special-ness of that/those relationship.
Some relationships fundamentally need some level of exclusivity: my parents’ marriage, for instance, is quite exclusive. There are very few people that would argue that this is a bad thing. I would say that it is a great thing if you have a friend group at Grebel that you spend most of your time with. These are the relationships that you can “go deep” with people, getting to know them at a level that you simply can’t with everyone else.
This is perhaps why I felt lonely these past two years. I was craving depth in my relationships. It can be a scary thing to be known by people (and a very easy way of avoiding that is by simply hanging out with a lot of people all the time), but it brings depth to your friendships. The only way I could accomplish this is if I started spending more time with certain people – by being exclusive with them. I’ve been trying to do this without sacrificing all the great qualities of inclusivity.
Of course, it is important to remember that both inclusivity and exclusivity flop when we choose one and forget about the other. When we are solely inclusive, we experience shallow relationships and can feel alone in a crowd; when solely exclusive, we socially isolate ourselves to what is safe, avoid new experiences/people, and lose out on the invaluable friendships with those who are very different than ourselves.
A better way, I think, is if we start to embrace both of these values at the same time. This, of course, is really difficult. If inclusivity promotes breadth of relationships, exclusivity promotes depth. It seems as though community flourishes best when its members appreciates both of these values. Both are important and neither is more important than the other.
On a practical note, it should be mentioned that some people tend to stick to one of these values more than others. Some people need to be more inclusive. Some need to be more exclusive. And, from a community standpoint, it would be interesting to see how this could be lived out regarding our “on campus” presence: valuing both our Grebel community and being open to meeting new people on the greater UW campus.
Some words aren't worth redeeming, but I think exclusivity is one of them. To me this word represents a depth of relationship that comes from valuing someone over a long period of time. It is something we all want, and I know I can get better at living this value out in my own life.
Of course, it is important to remember that both inclusivity and exclusivity flop when we choose one and forget about the other. When we are solely inclusive, we experience shallow relationships and can feel alone in a crowd; when solely exclusive, we socially isolate ourselves to what is safe, avoid new experiences/people, and lose out on the invaluable friendships with those who are very different than ourselves.
A better way, I think, is if we start to embrace both of these values at the same time. This, of course, is really difficult. If inclusivity promotes breadth of relationships, exclusivity promotes depth. It seems as though community flourishes best when its members appreciates both of these values. Both are important and neither is more important than the other.
On a practical note, it should be mentioned that some people tend to stick to one of these values more than others. Some people need to be more inclusive. Some need to be more exclusive. And, from a community standpoint, it would be interesting to see how this could be lived out regarding our “on campus” presence: valuing both our Grebel community and being open to meeting new people on the greater UW campus.
Some words aren't worth redeeming, but I think exclusivity is one of them. To me this word represents a depth of relationship that comes from valuing someone over a long period of time. It is something we all want, and I know I can get better at living this value out in my own life.