Ask Abby & Arnold
Dearest Arnold,
I do not appreciate it when a certain Don tries to steal my tailor. I'm not very tall and it is of great importance that my tailor does not get distracted from his job. Should I speak with a manager?
Concerned Customer
Dear Concerned Customer,
Hmm. It seems to me you need to distract the don in question before they distract that tailor of yours. I think I would be of more help to you if I knew which don was swiping your tailor. If it’s Michelle, buy her Starbucks to bride her away from him. If it’s Rachel, find her a good restaurant with a patio and she’ll be out of your hair for good. If it’s Reid, tell him there’s a freshly brewed French press waiting for him in Adam and Fnane’s room. Gibo’s the troublemaker? Just dare Mark Whyte to lick Gibo’s calves, that’ll send both of them running. As for Joel? He’ll be after Gibo and Mark for running in the halls. Problem solved!
-Arnold
I do not appreciate it when a certain Don tries to steal my tailor. I'm not very tall and it is of great importance that my tailor does not get distracted from his job. Should I speak with a manager?
Concerned Customer
Dear Concerned Customer,
Hmm. It seems to me you need to distract the don in question before they distract that tailor of yours. I think I would be of more help to you if I knew which don was swiping your tailor. If it’s Michelle, buy her Starbucks to bride her away from him. If it’s Rachel, find her a good restaurant with a patio and she’ll be out of your hair for good. If it’s Reid, tell him there’s a freshly brewed French press waiting for him in Adam and Fnane’s room. Gibo’s the troublemaker? Just dare Mark Whyte to lick Gibo’s calves, that’ll send both of them running. As for Joel? He’ll be after Gibo and Mark for running in the halls. Problem solved!
-Arnold
Dearest Abby,
It has come to my attention that there is an inferior being by the name of Michelle Trufflepuff who makes me feel unsure about my own name. I was wondering how I should confront this “being” in order to convince her to change her name.
Yours truly, the better Michelle
Dear “the better Michelle,”
My goodness, who stuck a burr under your saddle? If you ask me, there’s nobody better to share a name with. Michelle “Trufflepuff” Truong is a Grebel treasure. Maybe if you spend more time with her, you’d find you two might have more in common than your name! If that doesn’t work, just wait until next fall term. With her undergrad coming to an end, you’ll be the best Michelle around once again!
Love, Abby
Dear Arnold,
I am completely blown away by a certain male don's calves. Every time I see him flash those magnificently sculpted hunks of flesh my jaw drops in awe. My own calves are far less impressive, what sort of exercises can I do to attain calves with even a tenth of the beauty as Gibo's?
-Chicken Legs
Dear Chicken Legs,
I understand your struggle. Gibo's calves are as sculpted and beautiful as a Greek god's calves in a renaissance painting. I'm no personal trainer, but I'm pretty sure zumba is the answer to ALL life’s big questions, and this question is no different. Give the free lessons at the CIF during exam season a try. Pretty soon, you’ll have Gibo-level calves of your own! -Arnold
It has come to my attention that there is an inferior being by the name of Michelle Trufflepuff who makes me feel unsure about my own name. I was wondering how I should confront this “being” in order to convince her to change her name.
Yours truly, the better Michelle
Dear “the better Michelle,”
My goodness, who stuck a burr under your saddle? If you ask me, there’s nobody better to share a name with. Michelle “Trufflepuff” Truong is a Grebel treasure. Maybe if you spend more time with her, you’d find you two might have more in common than your name! If that doesn’t work, just wait until next fall term. With her undergrad coming to an end, you’ll be the best Michelle around once again!
Love, Abby
Dear Arnold,
I am completely blown away by a certain male don's calves. Every time I see him flash those magnificently sculpted hunks of flesh my jaw drops in awe. My own calves are far less impressive, what sort of exercises can I do to attain calves with even a tenth of the beauty as Gibo's?
-Chicken Legs
Dear Chicken Legs,
I understand your struggle. Gibo's calves are as sculpted and beautiful as a Greek god's calves in a renaissance painting. I'm no personal trainer, but I'm pretty sure zumba is the answer to ALL life’s big questions, and this question is no different. Give the free lessons at the CIF during exam season a try. Pretty soon, you’ll have Gibo-level calves of your own! -Arnold