Dear Abby and Arnold,
I'm good friends with a girl, but I'm not interested in a relationship right now. How can we still be good friends without me leading her on?
Sincerely, Sexy Steven
I'm good friends with a girl, but I'm not interested in a relationship right now. How can we still be good friends without me leading her on?
Sincerely, Sexy Steven
Dear Sexy Steven,
As sexy as you may be are you sure she is interested? If you're unsure don't bring it up! Keep doing what you're doing! Stay sexy, Arnold |
Hi Sexy Steven,
This is what we in the business call the old undefined friendzone conundrum. If left unchecked, an undefined friendzone can mutate and grow into something horrible that only leaves a scar when you finally decide to cut it out. So to avoid this rather gruesome scenario, perhaps consider talking to your friend. If you are concerned that you are leading her on, then it is only polite for you set thee ground rules that although you aren't interested in a relationship you still want to be close friend with them. Most importantly, under no circumstances should you engage in sports with her, cuz there ain't nothin sexier than a grebel boy gettin his sport on. You don't want to flaunt your plumage so to speak. #DamnNatureYouScary Sincerely, Abby |
Dear A,
I want to ask my beloved to share a glass of wine with me in my room, but I'm afraid people will think I'm weird. What should I do?
-Bordeaux Betty
I want to ask my beloved to share a glass of wine with me in my room, but I'm afraid people will think I'm weird. What should I do?
-Bordeaux Betty
Dear Bordeaux Betty,
Go for it! Just make sure you follow all of Grebel's rules about alcohol; make sure you're both of age and if you leave your room transfer you wine to an opaque cup! Cheers! Arnold |
Hey Betsy,
The best way to deal with this issue is to just throw caution to the wind. People respect a person who lives confidently. I have enjoyed my fair share of Mr. Booze while at Grebel and, trust me, the more you think it’s weird, the more others will think it’s weird. Heck, make sangria and host a good old-fashioned spanish throw-down. Don’t get too carried away though, first you’re pouring a round of sangria to the sounds of electronic covers of traditional Mexican folklore and next thing you know you’re singing Robin Thicke on the roof of V1. #PrayerRoomLife Sincerely, Abby |
Dearest Abby and Arnold,
I have recently discovered Netflix. Netflix is a beautiful invention, an unlimited pool of perfectly wonderful stories that grip my every waking thought. I can't stop watching. I need to know what happens to my beloved characters next! At which point does a Netflix obsession become unhealthy?
Sincerely, Netflix Newb
I have recently discovered Netflix. Netflix is a beautiful invention, an unlimited pool of perfectly wonderful stories that grip my every waking thought. I can't stop watching. I need to know what happens to my beloved characters next! At which point does a Netflix obsession become unhealthy?
Sincerely, Netflix Newb
Dear Netflix Newb,
I too have found myself in the bottom of the deep pit that is Netflix. As long as it's not getting in the way of your studies or social life you should be fine. If you're really worried you could get some friends together and watch a show together. There's nothing quite like sitting in the same room as four other people without talking or socializing. Happy watching! Arnold |
Netflix Newb,
Oh honey no… you gotta get yourself outta that. It’s a slippery slope. Right now maybe it’s only once a day, but, soon you’ll be losing time, days will turn into nights, and nights into weeeks. Your friends will find you locked in your room with the blinds closed and you will soon find yourself increasingly attracted to the weird niche stuff only reachable in the darkest depths of the Netflix underbelly. So set a limit, marathon only one show at a time, who needs to watch Power Ranger, Grey’s Anatomy, and Prison Break all at once? Maybe only watch two episodes a day and whatever you do, fight that nagging sack of laziness at the back of your mind whispering “the next show is going to start in 20 seconds, you definitely don't have to motor skills required to click exit before that happens,” it tends to lie. Sincerely, Abby |
Dear Abby/Arnold,
Since the guy to girl ratio at Grebel this summer is roughly 3 guys to one girl, how do I figure out which guys are 'mine', and how do I mark my territory?
Sincerely, Polyandrea
Since the guy to girl ratio at Grebel this summer is roughly 3 guys to one girl, how do I figure out which guys are 'mine', and how do I mark my territory?
Sincerely, Polyandrea
Dear Polyandrea,
Much like the first Passover, I recommend marking your territory by spraying your scent on the door frame of each boy you're interested in. This action not only weeds out the boys who don't understand the importance of the Jewish exodus from Egypt but also is a clear sign to the rest of the 33% that is your competition. Wishing you the best as you head for the promised land, Arnold |
Polyandrea,
The answer is simple. Finding a guy represents the most delicate of tasks; it requires a keen sense of awareness and foresight. I’m afraid every woman is different in this regard...it is up to you to decide the characteristics you seek in an ideal mate. I prefer the kind of guy who serenades me with tales of starships, programming languages, and who has subpar fitness (UW is my playground). But, like I said, it’s personal preference. The next thing you need to do is get a sharpie. Just a plain black sharpie though, none of that scented garbage. After that, completely lather yourself in a distinctive perfume. I personally recommend sex panther (http://sex-panther.com). After this, you need to find the man/men that you wish to claim as your own and fiercely grind yourself up against him/them like some kind of savage she-beast and sign your name on the back of their neck with the sharpie. The visual display combined with written evidence will deter any other potential competitor for years to come...though it might also deter a few men as well. Let the harem begin. #SexPanther #Phils #Sharpie #ByTheHammerOfThor Sincerely, Abby |