Ask Abby & Arnold
Why am I single? What is the % odds that I find my wife/husband here at Grebel?
-Want to KNOW
Dear Want to KNOW,
This question is a crowd favourite here in the hallowed halls of Grebel. Reminded of our singleness by the seemingly OMG I CAN’T perfect Grebel couples being all happy and stuff does seem to promt it into many Grebelspeaks issues. Here’s the truth. You are single either because :
1) You’re a hermit. Like you never leave your room except for food. (We’ve been there)
2) You are just too dang confident and intimidating that anyone interested in you just choose to admire from afar in the least creepy, community building way possible.
3) Because you are otherwise romantically unattached or unavailable because we’re here for SCHOOL (what??) and that’s perfectly good and fine because A’s before baes right??
There probably is a calculatable (probs not a word) percentage chance of meeting your future significant other/spouse at Grebel but I was never really that good at math and lets be real there are too many variables to consider (Just try it math students!) Be yourself, enjoy the friends and maybe even family you have here and just don’t get to rattled by the inevitable awkward third wheel situations you may get yourself into. Rock the single but don’t forget to mingle.
XOXO, Abby
-Want to KNOW
Dear Want to KNOW,
This question is a crowd favourite here in the hallowed halls of Grebel. Reminded of our singleness by the seemingly OMG I CAN’T perfect Grebel couples being all happy and stuff does seem to promt it into many Grebelspeaks issues. Here’s the truth. You are single either because :
1) You’re a hermit. Like you never leave your room except for food. (We’ve been there)
2) You are just too dang confident and intimidating that anyone interested in you just choose to admire from afar in the least creepy, community building way possible.
3) Because you are otherwise romantically unattached or unavailable because we’re here for SCHOOL (what??) and that’s perfectly good and fine because A’s before baes right??
There probably is a calculatable (probs not a word) percentage chance of meeting your future significant other/spouse at Grebel but I was never really that good at math and lets be real there are too many variables to consider (Just try it math students!) Be yourself, enjoy the friends and maybe even family you have here and just don’t get to rattled by the inevitable awkward third wheel situations you may get yourself into. Rock the single but don’t forget to mingle.
XOXO, Abby
How do I get my beard to look as good as Kenny’s?
-Baby Face
Well. Ahem. This is for sure a question for me, have you not seen my lovely ginger lumberjack beard? I can’t speak for this Kenny character who APARENTLY is some competition for me, but my secret to luscious whiskers is beard oil. Yes fellas, I know as November has come to an end most of you have probably shaved what resembles a dead squirrel off your upper lip, but know you can try it again, with the help of beard oil!
-Baby Face
Well. Ahem. This is for sure a question for me, have you not seen my lovely ginger lumberjack beard? I can’t speak for this Kenny character who APARENTLY is some competition for me, but my secret to luscious whiskers is beard oil. Yes fellas, I know as November has come to an end most of you have probably shaved what resembles a dead squirrel off your upper lip, but know you can try it again, with the help of beard oil!
It has singlehandedly changed my beard game, taking me to a whole new level of hipster/lumberjack combo that I could ever imagine. And yes. The ladies love me. Oh right, we were talking about Kenny. A good beard is always trimmed, cleaned and ready to put others to shame. Ask him about what product he uses, you know, when you are sitting around the table at the end of the day with a strong cup of black coffee, musing over obscure coffee shops and brisk jaunts through forests, as only the truest hipster/lumberjacks can.
Stay hairy gentlemen
-Arnold
Stay hairy gentlemen
-Arnold
How do I respond to a friend, who is a girl, who wears two different shades of burgundy on the same day in the same outfit (pants and coat). My first thought is EW!!! HELP?!?
-Worried Friend
Dear Worried Friend,
The fashion choices of our friends can sometimes pain us, and we wonder how to break it to them that the choices they have been making are NOT OKAY. In such an oblivious case as this it is perhaps best to call them out in the caf in front of everybody so they are so embarrassed and everyone is aware of their fashion problems that they can hold the individual accountable. Or, seeing as it’s the holidays now, just take the overload of a certain hue and think of it as festive.
XOXO, Abby
-Worried Friend
Dear Worried Friend,
The fashion choices of our friends can sometimes pain us, and we wonder how to break it to them that the choices they have been making are NOT OKAY. In such an oblivious case as this it is perhaps best to call them out in the caf in front of everybody so they are so embarrassed and everyone is aware of their fashion problems that they can hold the individual accountable. Or, seeing as it’s the holidays now, just take the overload of a certain hue and think of it as festive.
XOXO, Abby
I wrote last issue about my infatuation with a particular male don, who happens to be in KI. With the term coming to a close, I feel a sense of dread knowing that I haven't told my favourite don how I feel about him. How can I make this term end with a bang and express my feelings to Joel?
-I LOVE JOEL BECKER
Grebelites tend to feel this sort of time crunch before the Christmas holidays; people are gearing up to leave for home and some right on to Co-op! Don’t worry, you are not alone I’m sure! And there is still plenty of time to express your feelings and let that special someone know how you feel about them. Start by sending little notes thanking him for his hard work as a don this term (even if he wasn’t AS available if you would have wanted him to be) then move on to larger more lavish gifts to get the point across. This don will surely appreciate all the gifts and thoughtfulness!!
Best of luck to you, I LOVE JOEL BECKER and to the rest of you, time is ticking!!
-Arnold
-I LOVE JOEL BECKER
Grebelites tend to feel this sort of time crunch before the Christmas holidays; people are gearing up to leave for home and some right on to Co-op! Don’t worry, you are not alone I’m sure! And there is still plenty of time to express your feelings and let that special someone know how you feel about them. Start by sending little notes thanking him for his hard work as a don this term (even if he wasn’t AS available if you would have wanted him to be) then move on to larger more lavish gifts to get the point across. This don will surely appreciate all the gifts and thoughtfulness!!
Best of luck to you, I LOVE JOEL BECKER and to the rest of you, time is ticking!!
-Arnold
Grebel's most eligible bachelor from last year is freshly off the market, and it's been really getting me down! I've been having a really hard time moving on from him, he's just such a hunk! I'm afraid I missed my chance. Any advice to help me move on from this heartbreak?
-NOT Future Mrs. Henderson
Dear NOT Future Mrs. Henderson,
I know this is a tough time for all the Grebel ladies out there. But take heart, Movember is over and there is soon to be freshly shaven Grebel men dressed to the nines at banquet. Don’t worry young one, there are plenty of fish in the sea. And if none of the Grebel gents suit your fancy, I hear St. Jerome’s has some lookers too!
XOXO, Abby
-NOT Future Mrs. Henderson
Dear NOT Future Mrs. Henderson,
I know this is a tough time for all the Grebel ladies out there. But take heart, Movember is over and there is soon to be freshly shaven Grebel men dressed to the nines at banquet. Don’t worry young one, there are plenty of fish in the sea. And if none of the Grebel gents suit your fancy, I hear St. Jerome’s has some lookers too!
XOXO, Abby