Dear Abby,
What do you think Gabe Patti's spirit animal is? Sincerely, Hots for the Hipster Dear Hots for the Hipster: A Yukon Gold potato, covered in eyes. Generally disliked. Dear Abby, A whole bunch of upper years just came back from co-op this term and I want to make friends with them - but I'm too scared! How can I get to know them? Sincerely, Frightened Frosh Dear Frightened Frosh: To be completely honest, Upper Years don’t like you because they’re better than you are. What could they possibly learn from a timid, chinless, sniveling worm who probably failed their first semester and is on academic probation? First years remind them of the frailty of the human spirit. But I’m sure YOU’RE cool. You won’t have any problems. Let’s take a look at some facts that may help you understand the foreign creature known as an “Upper Year”:
Dear Abby, I have a beautiful Korean friend who is often found in my apartment. He wears a gold chain and is often seen masquerading as his alter-ego Patrick Chan. He's so fine. How can I expose him to the female population so that they also can see him for the beauty that he is? Sincerely, MMGG (Multicultural Matchmaker for the Good of Grebelife) Dear MMGG: Korean’s are a beautiful people, aren't they? Their small claws, grey beaks, and iridescent necks. In cities they’re almost god-like in their omnipresence, but constant exposure results in banality. We've all seen Koreans before, sitting on rooftop ledges or pecking at food scraps on the sidewalk. They've become a part of everyday life. The only time we notice them is when they attempt to cross the street and nearly cause an accident. So, how do you get this Patrick Chan to become noticed by women? Here are a few LIFEHACKS to make him really stand out:
Come to think of it, I may be confusing Koreans with pigeons. Use my advice with discretion :) |
Hi Arnold!
All the Grebel boys are having a flow growing competition, and I've got to be honest: I think flows are pretty much the worst hairstyle invented. I know it's for a good cause, but how do I survive living at Grebel for next couple months while this competition takes place? Sincerely, #saynototheflow Dear #saynototheflow, I’m not going to lie, I don’t understand your issue with the flow. I thought everyone understood that the longer the hair the more manly the man. That coupled with the fact that the competition is for charity should be more than enough reason for you to fall for any competitor. My best advice: embrace it. Run your fingers through those luscious locks and feel the shivers run down your spine. See the wind fly through the flow and feel all your inhibitions leave you. If that doesn’t work, you could always try Renison. Cheers, Arnold Dear Arnold, I'm not Menno and Grebel is my first real Mennonite experience. When thinking about dating Menno girls, is there anything to be worried about or pay certain attention too? Sincerely, Mad for Mennos Dear Mad for Mennos, Interested in Menno girls? I applaud your good taste. Lucky for you, as a non-Mennonite you can skip the “making sure we’re not related” step, which usually needs to happen ASAP to avoid awkward moments at your family reunions. The main thing to remember when dating Mennonite girls is that there are a lot of terms/jargon to remember. I’ve made a short glossary for you to help: 606: As in Hymn 606 or “Praise God from Whom All Blessing Flow” a favourite to sing in 4 part harmony before meals, at church, family gatherings etc... Zwiebach: Delicious double stacked buns that are a staple in any Mennonite household The Canadian Mennonite: A magazine distributed to all members of a Canadian Mennonite church. If the Mennonite girl you have your eye on is committed to the Mennonite way of life, she has probably been featured in at least one issue. For bonus points get hold of a copy and reference an article in casual conversation. Hope this helps! Best of luck! Arnold |